I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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