Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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