WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
