God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
