I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
