he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
