Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I looked at my own cervix.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
