for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
