Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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