Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
