He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
