It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
