Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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