my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
