when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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