I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
