Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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