so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
