Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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