also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
