Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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