don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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