Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All the doctor said was why
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
