Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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