What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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