Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
