There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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