is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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