Just took my morning after pill in the library
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
