I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Mom said you looked used
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
