they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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