i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
