are you still at the devil's house?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
