So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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