I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
