oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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