i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
