The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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