i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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