Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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