listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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