You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
