Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
