Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
