So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
