After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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