Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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