I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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