....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
