Just fell off a train. Bad.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
