I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I would ride that face into the sunset
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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