The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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