there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
