if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
