ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
