Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
