I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
