oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
