the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
