Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
