oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
