Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
