Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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