and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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