He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
