i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
