Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just googled if crying burns calories
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
